Do friendlier people have a more positive experience of work?

Being friendly at work can be good for your career - here are some tips to help...

Recently I watched a conversation with Brian Hare, an American Anthropologist. In a book (with award-winning journalist Vanessa Woods), he shares his belief that our unique friendliness is the secret to our success as a species. And that Charles Darwin’s ‘evolutionary fitness’ relates to our remarkable, human friendliness and ability to coordinate and communicate with others, and not necessarily physical strength, tactical brilliance, and aggression.

This reminded me of research carried out by Harvard Business School in 2005. People choose to work with other people based on competence and likeability. Their research showed that, regardless of the type of organisation studied, everybody wanted to work with the lovable star – highly competent and highly likeable. Personal feelings play a more important role in forming work relationships (rather than friendships) than many of us may acknowledge.

It's important to consider what we mean by friendly and likeable. It’s not being a people pleaser and it’s certainly not about being a push over. 

The friendly, likeable people who are successful and have a positive experience of work have developed certain genuine characteristics throughout their lives. They have developed emotional intelligence or EQ. 

TalentSmart research data from more than a million people shows that people who possess these skills aren’t just highly likeable, they outperform those who don’t by a large margin. 

Forbes identified behaviours that emotionally intelligent people engage in that make them so likeable:

They ask questions: they listen fully and ask questions to understand and demonstrate care

They put away their phones: they focus their full energy on the person they are talking with

They are genuine: And confident in their own skin

They don’t pass judgment: they are open minded and approachable

They don’t seek attention: and recognise the people around them

They are consistent: regardless of what mood they are in

They use positive body language: expressions, gestures and tone of voice

They leave a strong first impression

They greet people by name: reinforcing an essential part of your identity

They smile: appropriately!

They balance passion and fun: getting things done and being serious when needed (but still friendly)

The good news is that these can be developed by anyone who wants to be friendlier or more emotionally intelligent, as long as this is driven by genuine motivations.

I declare I am someone who enjoys being friendly and building positive relationships at work. I love having strong networks of people, from around the world, and genuinely enjoy learning something from everyone. I believe my experience of work is so much better as a result of being friendly. But I’m clearly biased! 

What do you think?

We live in a world of different perspectives and communication preferences. If you or your team would like to better understand how to understand yourselves and others, so you can work better together, contact Fit2Communicate to hear about our half and full day workshops.

References

Competent Jerks, Lovable Fools, and the Formation of Social Networks: By Tiziana Casciaro and Miguel Sousa Lobo(From the Magazine (June 2005), Harvard Business Review)

Survival of the Friendliest: Understanding Our Origins and Rediscovering Our Common Humanity: By Brian Hare, Vanessa Woods

13 Habits of Exceptionally Likeable People: Travis Bradberry for Forbes